I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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