When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize