We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
