She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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