oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
