I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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