I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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