I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
