He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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