k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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