Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
