I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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