Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
