In the future we'll all be gay
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
