you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize