Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
