ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think my tv is drunk
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
