eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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