Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
