i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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