2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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