all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
