Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
