I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
