I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
