Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
