Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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