Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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