I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize