Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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