I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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