I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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