did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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