She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize