he wants to bone in the snuggie
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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