what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
