ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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