Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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