I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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