Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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