I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
