i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
