she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
