i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
