I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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