My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's always time for handjobs
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
