There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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