I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
