when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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