So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
