There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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