drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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