The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
