i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
