I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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