Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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