where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
