i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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