My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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