last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
