if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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