I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
