Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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