We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
