I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
