Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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