Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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