Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
