I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
