If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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