cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
