i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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