9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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