I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
