Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
