you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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