I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
