Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
