I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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