My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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