ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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