i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
