I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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