11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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