Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
