i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
