I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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