I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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