Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
