.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
