i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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