Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
