Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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