theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
